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Motivation Monday

Some days on this journey is easier than others. Some days are filled with moments where I say no to all the good things that I want and the weight seems to fall off. Other days are filled with normalcy in what I eat and then for whatever reason I gain a pound? What is with that? How can two days be exactly the same amount in calories, carbs and protein intake and yet one day results in a loss and the next results in a gain? I think I am just beginning to understand that the number on the scale is definitely made more than just fat and muscles. That the number reflected isn't always an accurate interpretation of what is actually going on and I need to remember this truth. I can easily get discouraged and throw all my hard work out the window by thinking that it isn't paying off. I have to be able to think of not just the present moment but have  a vision of the future success in mind. Not so long ago I had a conversation with a friend about how significant trauma in ones li...
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Bread sticks

Tonight was a challenge. I try not to make my family HAVE to stick to only the things that I can eat. After all, food and over eating is not there struggle it is mine. Just as we make our peanut/treenut allergy son live in a non peanut/treenut free world so too, I, must live in a non bread stick free world. This past month I've learned to say no a lot. No, to the cheesecake desert offered to me. No, to the dips and chips, no to the pizza and no to the tortillas. But this was my first encounter with the garlic, doughy, carb filled goodness that is a bread stick.  I'd love to sit here and tell you that I conquered that battle. That I took one whiff and declared it wasn't worth it. But I can't. I ate 2 whole bread sticks and you know what?  I enjoyed them. I enjoyed them so much I really wanted to go back for 2 or 3 more. I LOVE BREAD! I seriously want to believe that God will have a room for me at his table and in front of me he will place a huge pile of the most d...
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My journey to morbid obesity , back from it, back to it, and back from it again.

I started this blog because I just needed a place to go to get all the negative crappy feelings out. A place where I'm not being judged and I can just be honest about the struggle that is morbid obesity and the difficulties in losing the weight. Truthfully, I don't think anyone wakes up one day and decides to become morbidly obese. When I was a child a persons weight never even crossed my mind as something that needed to be considered. I ate food the same way any kid my age would eat food. However, reflecting I do think there were some childhood things that I think played a roll in aiding me to eventually become morbidly obese. An example of a habit that was hard for me to break was being taught that I had to eat all the food on my plate. As well as being served portions that were way too big for my body and age. I see how much my kids eat today and I realize that I was made to feel like I had to eat portions 2x the size. This became a habit in my adult life that was super di...
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